Today was a really good day at church. Dr. Buchanan was wonderful with the preaching both this morning and this evening. I am so grateful that we have such a wonderful church to be a part of. I loved Dr. Buchanan's comment that we should be glad we have a man of God that isn't afraid to preach like he should. And I for one can tell you that I am glad... without the truth, I honestly can say I don't know where I would be. I can't tell you why, but I was very nervous at first when I was giving my testimony...very odd since most of the church knows it already!
I know you already heard this too all my friends, but I wrote on here a while ago, I would put my testimony on here... so, since you heard it tonight, you don't need to read it, but just is case someone else happens along I am adding it. We never know what God will use to speak to people and how they will come across it.
My Testimony:
As far as growing up, I had a “normal” home. We had our moments, but I considered my childhood very good considering we were not saved. My family was catholic by name only, but by the time I came along as the 5
th child, my Mom was finished trying to explain what she
didn’t understand we never went to church. I knew God was real, but He was for religious people and had nothing to do with me or you went if you got married or you died. I remember that our family owned a Bible but no one ever touched it… except one time I was looking through it and my sister came down stairs and saw me… made fun of me… and I closed it and that was that.
I met Jim when I was 20 years old. My relationship with Jim started as a set-up. This however was no ordinary “blind date”. After an interestingly terrible night which I won’t go in to, I wondered, how someone could still be interested in me, after me putting my worst foot forward…
We started dating but as the months went by, I
wasn’t really sure how I felt. I knew I liked him, but
didn’t think he was the one and only. We broke up, but that
didn’t stop him. He causally pursued me, acting if it was okay if nothing came of it. As time went on, I could see that he thought about me and wanted to spend time with me and he treated me well and he reminded me a lot of my father who died about 1 month before we met and I was sure that the problems we were having while we were dating would certainly go away as time went on. After 3 years of dating we got married in 1990. On my wedding date I was positive I wanted to be married to this man. However, this took us to a relationship that
couldn’t last because it was based on our feelings and how much he attention I received.
During our first year of marriage we saw each other for about 1/3 of the year spread out. I was going to school and he was working 2-24 hour shifts on the ambulance. We both got busy with our careers and pretty much left each other behind in our own ways. We would disagree, then argue, and make up, argue and then just pretend there
weren’t problems… but it was a short term solution to a long term problem. Jim’s job was always top priority and I
couldn’t take that… I knew we both needed to work as we had so much debt, but I
couldn’t stand the fact that he wanted to be away as much as he did. I started questioning why I had gotten married. Many questions and countless asking for time together only got me frustrated, which led me to leave our marriage after 4 years.
Shortly after I left I realized I was pregnant. Jim promised things would be different and I wanted to believe him, so I went back. Since nothing really changed, except adding more stress, our lives were very much in the same pattern.
As time went on, Jim had his life and I had mine. As you have heard from his own testimony he was very busy with work and going to the race track. He wanted his family, but on his terms. I was working a full time job, taking care of Kyle, paying the bills, doing the shopping, cleaning the house and started living a different life in my head, I escaped by dreaming about “what ifs”, started going out more, and shopped.
Time marched on and we continued our roller coaster ride marriage and Beth came along in 1998 on one of the up swings. But we needed money, so I worked on weekends a couple days a month. Again we continued our roller coaster ride. As things continued to go up and down, the ups were shorter and the downs were longer. Now with Jim working Monday
thru Friday and me working at least two weekends a month, there was very little time to spend together. By this point I liked it better when we were apart so I planned my weekends to fit my plans; I would work on Saturday then drive to my friends house, we would go out to the bar, crash at her house, and I would show up sometime on Sunday about noon. I knew this really bothered Jim and I got some satisfaction out of the fact that he was getting a taste of what I had put up with for so long. Our lives were miserable; we only talked to get information. As far as being a mother, I was horrible. I loved them in my own way, but I really wanted them not to be so consuming. They were not fitting in with the plans that I had. I
didn’t want to be stuck in the house taking care of them. Kyle was in school but Beth
wasn’t able to as she was only 3 ½. I was really waiting for the time I could afford daycare or she got into school. I was just getting by until I could make some changes that would please me.
One day during all this, sometime in 2001, Pastor Bill
Schutt knocked on our door. We talked for about 30 minutes, but I
wasn’t ready to attend the church. I put the tract in a drawer. I tried to throw it away 3 or 4 times, but I just
couldn’t bring myself to do it. I would toss it in the garage can, pull it out, and put it in the drawer again.
Anyway, our good time, bad time, roller coaster of a marriage hit the final straw when after one more of Jim’s week long trips, he came home while I was on the phone with a friend and I
didn’t acknowledge him in any way except a wave. That led to Jim moving out in mid March 2002. Jim’s plan for our separation was different then mine, he wanted to take a break, and work things out, and start dating me again. I can honestly say I really hated that man and I never thought about our separation as a time to fix anything. I wanted freedom and dating someone I hate was not on my list. I was thinking this was my moment! This was exactly what I wanted! I was the happiest girl on the planet and was ready for my new life! The kids would go to his place and I would have time for me and I
didn’t have to pretend that I was a happily married woman anymore.
But, to my shock, things started to change quickly. A friend that we have known for many years called and started talking to me about how he started going to church and he goes all the time… I was certain he had lost him mind but I listened to him. At the same time, although I
didn’t know it, God was working on Jim and I. Jim wanted to be my knight in shining armor, so God made sure that he had a several opportunities to do so, one of them being my car broke down just after getting off the expressway.
Jim also wanted us to do something as a family together and I reluctantly agreed, the only date I had was Sunday April 28 (unless he wanted to go sometime in June which he
didn‘t.) We decided to a museum in downtown Chicago and as we were driving we talked about all the traffic and stated that there
shouldn’t be this much traffic because those people should be in church. We decided that we would be back early enough for the night service at that church.
We actually kept our word (we almost
didn’t) and came to the church that night and it was strange! The Pastor I expected
wasn’t there, there were 8 ladies all in the same dress, everyone talked to us, and Pastor Dave came right down the aisle, more like RAN down the aisle to meet us, then someone ran to go get Julie and she greeted us. We were completely taken away by this as we had been to a couple of Catholic churches and nothing like that had ever happened before. We sat in the back and we were mesmerized! Pastor preached on the man’s role in the family and knew he was talking about us…but how he knew, we
didn’t know.
I
didn’t come forward that night, I really wanted to, but I
didn’t know what those people were going do, so I stayed put. I did raise my hand when Pastor asked if he could pray… I knew I needed that. I knew something was different that night and I may have gotten saved; I was too ignorant to know. As we drove home, we talked about the service and both of us agreed that Grace Baptist was going to be our church. The following Thursday Pastor called and asked if “someone” from the church could stop by with a pie, after I said yes, I called Jim and told him he better be here since we were not living together.
The “someone” was Pastor and Julie, which threw us for a loop, because as Jim put it so well, “it was them!” Never in my entire life did I think the Pastor was coming over. I don’t really know how long they were there, but after a while they each presented the gospel and we both got saved on May 2, 2002 when I was just shy of 35 years old.
Everything was wonderful. Jim came over every day and the neighbors thought we were crazy… the lady that was so happy to get rid of her husband was now on cloud nine. We knew that EVERYONE was going to think we were out of our minds but Jim moved back in the house by the end of May, just about 8 weeks after leaving.
As anyone will tell you, you don’t get to stay on cloud nine for the rest of your life, but with all the preaching, teaching, and love we have receive from Pastor and Julie and most importantly God being ruler of our lives, we have been able to handle many difficult situations and have been blessed beyond measure.
Today I can tell you my world has been turned upside down in the best way. God has changed my heart so much. After I got saved, God gave me the desire to quit my job, start treating my husband like a man (after reading, Me? Obey Him?), start loving my kids the right way, stop spending like a crazy lady trying to fill up a bottomless pit, change the way I dressed, stop drink and swearing, stop hanging around and calling my old so-called friends, and many other things.
I trusted God and He is doing the rest.
If someone is reading this that has no idea what I am talking about when I say I was "saved", please look at the bottom of this blog and go to the website.
